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Men and Pain: why they prefer to talk to the bartender

Tuesday, April 4, 2006

Torture at sunrise with James Bromley in charge of a pump class.

Men are not supposed to be any good at it however both sexes can learn to channel their pain. John Sanderson reports on your chances of hearing about bloke pain.

Pain has inspired poets, writers, classical composers and even builders.

We don’t usually associate a bad stomach with Napoleon or a crook back with Tutankhamen but it would be fair to say that something drove these people.

Where would male and female country and western singer/composers be if not for emotional pain?

Nowadays the trend seems to be, find an outlet to channel your pain.

Pain and art

Some find that art is their outlet. Physiotheraphy Research Foundation of Australia once staged the “Moving in on Pain,” conference in Adelaide that exhibited artists who gain pain relief through painting.

Figures comparing the pain of both men and women have been compiled by Anita M. Unruh from the school of Occupational Therapy, Dalhousie University, Halifax, Canada.

Tension headaches affected 25 per cent of women but only 8 per cent of males. More women experienced back injuries, 46 to 35, but surprisingly men had more lower back pain, 23.8 per cent compared to 22.8 per cent.

Women responded more aggressively to pain through health related activities but they were more likely than men to experience pain of a psychological origin.

And a cry for help, a sign of inner pain, is not exclusively a woman’s thing. Some of us guys can be fairly convincing as workaholics, not eating properly, substance or alcohol abusing, compulsive eaters or just not looking after ourselves.

Free counselling by bar staff

This has resulted in pub and nightclub staff across this wide brown land being unofficial counsellors, usually for men. According to former Brisbane barmaid, Ms Tanzen Stacey, who for years dispensed beer and free advice, usually relationship stuff. Women seem to want to relax at pubs and clubs whereas an increasing number of men, with emotional pain, wanted a listening ear.

This type of pain causes both sexes to phone the Care Line of the Salvation Army.

Its Brisbane manager, Mr Alvyn Staines, feels that there is an increasing number of men who are willing to speak about the cause of their pain. “It is not a tidal wave but it is an improvement. Pain can cause women to stop eating, turn anorexic, burst out crying, anything to gain attention so that somebody talks to them. The danger with men however is that they can bottle it up and act pretty normal until it’s too late for someone to help them,” Mr Staines said.

A like approach is taken by Mr Patrick Oliver, of Stafford, a spirituality consultant. “A masculine approach to emotional pain, may be thus- ‘help me convince my spouse to listen to me.’ On the other hand a feminine approach may be to listen to what the pain is saying, develop the inner self and seek assistance to change.

Men can “embark on a journey of discovery to a hidden, softer, more loving side” or allow pain to drive them to an “underworld through depression and self-pity which might see violence to themselves and others,” Mr Oliver said.

Guilt and pain

A connection between guilt and pain in both sexes was discovered by the aerobics/pump instructor James Bromley when he worked at Springwood Sports Centre.

He noticed men and women punishing themselves at the gym because they had eaten the “wrong” foods or as a sort of penance for getting drunk the previous weekend.

He sees people who seek pain in the “lactic acid zone” and actually get pleasure from it. They exercise until their muscles feel a burning sensation caused by a buildup of the acid.

“I want to feel the energy out here, push it, give it to me,” barks pain officer Bromley.
Furthermore, each morning at sunrise, across Australia, thousands of fitness and pain enthusiasts hurry into their local gyms and pay to be tortured in similar classes.

After the pain subsides, Vic Deshong of Rochedale has a much clearer head for his day as an accountant.

Childbirth pain is one of the strongest cases that you can present in order to stop men whingeing. Most men I know salute women whose hours of birth pain run into double figures but men may experience something similar to this.

Ken Rolfsness, the drummer with Brisbane showband, The Famous Unknowns, was languishing in the QE2 Hospital Brisbane with the culmination of three weeks of kidney stones. No amount of pethidine or bashing his drums, eased the pain. A nurse cheered him up with the usual line, “be glad it’s not a baby,” then two other staff members came to his rescue.

They’d had kidney stones and babies, in varying amounts, and their advice: “He’s a hero. We’ll take childbirth any day.”

At last we have this pain thing sorted out: Men can cope with pain from lifting, shifting, shoving or moving stuff. And furthermore, if a guy gets a splinter in his foot, you’re going to hear all about it. But if a decent chap has emotional pain, ask his local bartender what went wrong.

(Sanderson Media's breezy writing style and great images can get your message out to the world) contact john@sanderson-media.com

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