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Centrelink's Arnold Dubb and bush psychology

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Utilities, guns, stockwips, all standard bush equipment for Arnie’s customers

Our Public Servant with thick glasses, Arnold Dubb, used to work in an outback office where angry people carring guns, stockwhips, revolvers and bricks in their utilities, used to come in and make a strong point with Centerlink.

How does a crusty Public Servant with thick eyebrows and a droll sense of humour cope with this?

“Larry, resembling an outback ringer, used to hobble into my office. He was evidently suffering from many physical maladies but his worst disability, his temper, wasn’t down in writing,” began Arnold.

Exuding copious quantities of public service after shave, (it was really really old, Old Spice).......Arnold continued:

This customer Larry was fiery in spirit because he was desperately trying to obtain a disability pension.

Hadn’t done his taxes for a few years

The poor chap was probably qualified for the disabled pension but the only problem was he’d owned his own business and hadn’t done his taxes for a couple of years.

Death and taxes are a certainty but the pension sure isn’t.

Larry didn’t have the money to pay an accountant to sort out his paperwork so we could assess his eligibility for a disabled pension.

If you don’t have a tax assessment then there will be no pension.
It was a catch-22 situation.

Larry had no money coming in and the more hungry he became, the angrier he got. In addition his hairy perspiring dogs in his ute seemed to get thinner and more angry too. You could hear them barking out in the carpark.

At times the poor chap was beside himself with anger, pain and inner turmoil.

He used to swear at Arnold, the public face of Centerlink, but never profusely, more in measured amounts, exhibiting a reasonable grip of bush lingo and charm.

Blood on the walls….offered

But then he’d go a bit far and say things like, “what do I have to do, get my .357 magnum revolver and put some blood on the walls?”

Now this is not a good thing to say in a government office because we have posters that say you can’t even bring a magnum ice-cream into Centrelink and you definitely can’t mention putting marks on the walls.

Furthermore this talk of magnums and wall damage can get you severely arrested and jailed and judges take a dim view of the threatening of public servants in such a way, no matter how dour and crusty they might seem.

Public Servants even have protocols in place to deal with “Larry emergencies” in case one turns up in any suburb or country town.

Arnold tried not to allow his mind to dwell on the fact that Larry did indeed own a .357 magnum and was a member of the local pistol club and was reputedly a crack shot.

Hollywood’s contribution, Falling Down with Robert Redford

All Arnold could think about was Hollywood’s contribution to Public servant karma, the movie Falling Down, in which a nerd Public Servant, Robert Redford, had a totally bad day and goes berserk with a gun.

Arnold was very wary but not panicky, about marksman Larry’s regular visits.

They seemed to go on for 12 months but it was probably only three months. The tension in the air made it seem like the longest three months of Arnold’s Dubb’s life and only ended when Centerlink granted him the invalid pension with heaps of back-pay.

So why, by this stage, wasn’t Larry wearing a brown uniform and enjoying the peaceful surrounds of a correctional centre?

Larry was a decent chap…......deep down

All was answered when Larry unexpectedly came into the Centrelink office the other day with a pension kind of glow, and apologised for his behaviour, asking: “How come you never called the police when I used to threaten and do my nut? I mean if I threatened any one else like that they would have had me arrested”

Free holiday in a brown uniform

Arnold said he felt Larry was a decent chap deep down and was just frustrated and letting off steam. Arnold’s psychology and bush skills had saved Larry from an unnecessary holiday in a brown uniform.

Arnold added: “If you had left the office without saying anything, instead of your usual ranting and raving, I would have phoned the coppers because I don’t trust quiet people who threaten me.”

People often ask Arnold why he is so patient with weird customers.
He says: when you work in an outback area, where people drive utes carrying fierce dogs, rifles, pistols, bricks, stock whips, explosives, iron bars and the like, you learn very quickly to be polite to diverse folk, otherwise you get many non-centrelink type of situations.

Ok Ok, can we forget your magnum and rotweiller and get back to your pension.

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